And that's how this food chain works!

Food chain picture ~ Getty images

Today has been a bad day - what with the maid being on leave, the nanny giving me attitude when I had issues with her work, Vj going away on yet another of the trips that never seem to end, V2 throwing 3 tantrums complete with screaming, kicking and rolling on the floor in public as against V1's tally of only 1 and with the stress of shifting and relocating slowly seeping through! In short a terrible terrible day; usually one that calls for winding down with chicken steamed momos and prawn pepper garlic dry ordered from Singapore's only authentic Tangra Chinese restaurant! Anyway that's what I had been planning (shamelessly ignoring the fact that my last post has been on healthy living) till I have this gem of a conversation with V2.

It happens as I put down the Vs to bed and wait for the usual round of drama to begin (am not going to elaborate on that as the drama needs an entire post, which is coming soon). Suddenly, I hear this rhythmic chant coming from V2's crib, much like some strange mantra. Curious, I pay closer attention and try to figure out what he is reciting. 

It is by no means flattering! V2 is kicking the bars on his crib and chanting "Kickh mamma, kickh mamma" in a monotonous tone that would make any voodoo high priest proud! I assume that it is because I didn't give in to any of his 3 full blown tantrums today and hence I must be no. 1 on his hit list!

Swallowing my pride, I put on my most reasonable voice and say, "No kickh mamma. Only kiss and hug mamma". 

I give him a hug and kiss to further cement my point. 

Suddenly there is silence. I can tell even in the dark that V2 is thinking hard. 

He tries again "Kickh Lola?" (Lola = Gloria, the nanny, also on better days, known as Angel 1)

"No!" I say, "You can't kick Lola. Infact you cannot kick people"

V2 not being one to ever give up, tries again. "Kickh Tess?" (Tess = Maritas, the cook, a.k.a Angel 2)

"No! You cannot kick Tess either. No kicking people" I reiterate, hoping if I say the same thing twenty times, maybe something will percolate into his brain.

By now, V2's devilish little brain is on overdrive. 

I imagine it making a mental list of people he thinks are kick-worthy

"Kickh Bhai?" (Bhai a.k.a V1), V2 says in a tone that suggests "Come on, this time you got to hand this over to me! I mean what's the use of Bhai if I can't kick him around?"

"No! No kicking Bhai" I say.

V2 stands up, raises his arched eyebrows and gives me a flabbergasted look as if he is unable to believe that anyone with an ounce of brain would shoot down such a reasonable suggestion! After all in V2's world, Bhais are put on this planet with the sole purpose of being bullied and pushed around!

Finally, he tries one more time.

"Kickh Daydeee?"

Now I am tempted to say Yes! Yes! Yes!

Not because V2's persistence is endearing but because I am mad at Vj for travelling non-stop and then turning it all around and telling me, if I had agreed to shift to UK earlier, he wouldn't be travelling so much (so in a sense, its all my doing)!! 

At this point, 'Kick Daddy' sounds like an extremely sensible suggestion to me, one that I am sorely tempted to follow myself! 

I almost say "Yes". Then good sense takes over and I say "No, You can only kick your ball. No people! Now off to bed!"

Then as V2 scoots off to sleep, it comes to me in a blinding flash - this was not V2's list of enemies. It was his food chain and in exactly that very order! So here I am, with full marks on Top of Mind recall, sitting pretty at the very top of V2's food chain! I rule!!! And cool and indulgent daddy is at the very bottom! 

Now there is no chicken steamed momo in the world that can beat the satisfaction that comes from this realisation! :)

"Ma-ma does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Da-da first"
~ Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966