Logic.
The science of inference and deduction.
I am beginning to believe that no one understands this science better than a five year old.
The promptness and speed with which penetrating insights are arrived at; the alacrity with which judgements are delivered; has been leaving me feeling confounded and grasping for a suitable repartee in almost every skirmish I have with my two five year olds.
There was a time I used to rate myself pretty okay on the nimble witted scale.
Not anymore. I don't.
So, in honour of Year 5, here are few moments that left me off-balance.
The 5 year old's Guide to the Galaxy
M.O.M had made a successful trip to Mars. And at a fraction of the cost NASA spent on it's missions.
Given that the boys key associations with the motherland is with dirt (dis-gust-ing), people spitting on the roads (awesome), incessant honking (super fun), cows and goats on the roads (actually that is pretty cool too), beggars (distressing) and not very "comfo-ble" stays; I was using this landmark achievement to make them aware that India is much more than all they associate it with.
V1, has his own theory of relativity, wherein the speed of every moving object is relative to that of his favourite animal, the cheetah,
V1 to me: "Mamma, who is faster? A rocket or cheetah?"
I proceeded to spend the next few minutes patiently explaining the concept of gravity and escape velocity, with a simplicity and conciseness that would have made Jr Gandhi proud.
And that is when V1 interrupted me mid sentence.
"No! I know why the rocket is faster than the cheetah" he said.
"It's because the rocket's butt is on fire. If you put a cheetah's butt on fire, he will go fast like a rocket too".
I guess there is a reason, we named this one The Wise One.
The Conservation Dilemma.
We have been discussing the concept of conservation for a while now.
I wanted the boys to realise that there are people who walk miles each day for a bucket of water so they respect the resources they have access to. We had also been discussing deforestation and how it is making animals becoming homeless, causing climate change and pushing us slowly towards the brink of extinction
The other day at the dining table, V1 moved off his chair, mid meal to off to pick up a tissue he definitely didn't need.
Me: Why are you wasting tissues? You are just five minutes away from finishing. You could have washed your hands after you were done.
V1: But I am using the tissue because you told me not to waste water.
Me, still annoyed: Every tissue you use was made killing a plant somewhere.
V1: Do you want me to save water or do you want me to save the plant? You need to choose because I can do only one when I am cleaning my hands.
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| Wooing 2 women with one love note.. |
The Remote Effect
V2: What gift do you want for your birthday Mammy?
Me: I want you to listen to your mamma, to be an obedient child. That can be my gift.
V2: Oh! So actually you want a remote controller to control me.
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| Someone figured out that getting Santa's job would be the best way to collect maximum gifts. |
Mothers who live in glass houses ...
It was early morning on a Sunday. I had stayed up late watching some mindless movies and wanted to sleep in and wanted to wake up in my own sweet time.
However, when it comes to sleep, the "mother proposes, child disposes" rule has always been consistent in our household.
So true enough. Was woken up rudely to the sound of my two boys jumping from the bed to the floor in their room, while letting out blood curdling yells, apparently inspired by the Tarzan movie they saw the previous night.
Me: Can you stop this yelling and talking loudly early morning, please!
V2: Why?
Me: Because I cannot handle all these loud yelling and screaming noises. They hurt my ears and give me a headache.
V2: But if you don't like noise, then why do you scream at us all the time?
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| Its always nice to know what you are doing right... |
Hair raising comeback
V1: "Mamma why is your hair getting white?"
Me : Well, each time you are naughty, each time you make me angry or sad or exasperated, one hair on my head turns white"
I pat myself on the back for such inspired, scintillating logic.
It seemed to have worked.
V1 looked suitably chastised, gave me a tight hug and piped up: "I will never be naughty. If I be good, Mammy will not be old and die"
It seemed too good to be true. And so of course it didn't last very long.
Because V2 had a question: "Hey Maa, why is Paati's (grandma) hair all white? Does that mean Daddy is naughty and making her angry all the time?"
Ummm... errrr...... hmmmm......
There was only one way to answer this. So I said "Stop yakking at bedtime and go to bed NOW"
