Greetings from the Old Blighty!

This one is super special!!! This shall be my very first post from the Queen's own land! 

A lot has happened in these 10 days! 

First yours truly, totally carried away by all the stories of the "glorious summer we have been having", landed in the Old Blighty, carrying shorts and not even a single piece of anything remotely warm, only to find her arse freezing at 10 degrees C, inspite of the layers of adipose !! Which obviously led to a shopping trip before self and the arse suffered from frostbite!

That's me running with the Vs in our garden

And after 10 days, I still haven't come to grips with this schizophrenic summer where one minute it is cloudy and suddenly you are battling freezing winds and considering the perils of frostbite and then the next minute, the sun comes out and suddenly everything is again all right with the world!

And then came the "landing into trouble" bit. In the beginning, everything seemed to go smoothly as we breezed through the stern and dour countenances that inhabit immigration and health control, thanks to the Vs who went about blowing kisses and going wow at everyone who had an English accent. And then our luck ran into some speedbumps.... Nanny in all her "wisdom" decided to put some jackets in the balcony which then were promptly blown away by the strong winds. Now true blue desis that we are, we promptly got some chairs, a mop stick and tried to pry the jacket from the roof below us. Which prompted some utter imbecile with nothing better to do in life and not enough brains to understand that one can't commit suicide by jumping off the 2nd floor balcony, to call for help to complain about the mass suicide attempt happening on our balcony!!

And then the honeymoon only got more interesting as I came in contact with the technological advancement of the First World! Get this, it has taken me 10 days (10 bloody long days!!!) to get a Wi-fi connection running and that too I am connected through some mobile Wi-fi connection which would make a sloth seem like Usain Bolt!!! Just for fun, let me offer a contrast; it took me a day to get a Starhub connection in Singapore and just a couple of hrs to get connected in Mumbai!

I could go on and on about many more such stories about my interaction with all things tech in the developed world! 

For instance, Vodafone took 4 days to get me a micro sim. Meanwhile in less developed parts of the world, you can expect to just walk in and get a mirco sim the minute your number comes up in the queue!!
And yes, we need to apply for a licence to get a TV connection! Where I come from, one would assume I was intending to get married to the TV! 

But the award has to go to Sky, who will give us a Wi-fi connection 15 days AFTER the TV connection is set up!! What will they do in 15 days, any sensible person may ask! I can only assume they start tunneling their way in to your home the day they set up your TV to set up some state of the art Wi-Fi connection that's available only in the First world, and that we, the poor country cousins from the wrong side of the G8 summit, have no inkling about!

And so I endure .... the boys running amok out of boredom, the freezing cold winds, the technological bottlenecks and all the walking and stair climbing!!! At this juncture, before I venture further, I need to put in this theory I have been working on about the constant walking and climbing stairs that the Brits seem to be so fond of...

My first day in the overground and there was not a single escalator in sight! 2yrs in Singapore and I had forgotten how to climb stairs!!! As I huffed and puffed up in the most undignified fashion, I wondered, "What is this obsession with physical activity"? A few days in the freezing winds and I understood!! The running around is crucial; the running around is what keeps the arse from freezing! 2 days in here and hell, even I was running around! Me, who was used to ordering cabs to go even to the nearest mall which was a mere 5 mins walk away, was walking as if there was a dog with rabies giving me chase!!!

And then came the biggest shock of them all.... and for the Bong, could it be anything else but food? Craving for some Oriental cuisine, ordered Pad Thai from the nearby Thai restaurant and carried it back bravely at 10 in the night on a dark street, all empty save for a couple of foxes. We were terrified the foxes would smell our beef Pad Thai and attack us, but they seemed to be intent on avoiding us, preferring to look in people's garbage instead! One bite of the Pad Thai and we knew why the foxes preferred the garbage over our take away. If I were a fox, I would avoid the beef Pad Thai too! It was overflowing with tomato ketchup!! (Note to self: Could it be that the English foxes have a palate, far more discerning than their human counterparts?)

Thus began my introduction to tomato ketchup as the foundation on which every cuisine was created...
Pad Thai - with tomato ketchup!
Prawn biryani -with tomato ketchup
Beef with basil - with what else but tomato ketchup!
We have come to a stage where even I have been inspired to add tomato ketchup to my masala sausage fry!!! Soon I shall be cooking chicken tikka masala with, you guessed it, tomato ketchup!!

Sigh!!!! And so I endure..... And grit my teeth and stiffen up the upper lip and go on....

The huge roses in a park near our home

White flowers in a hedge that I cross every day

Some more strange lovely purple flowers growing in our hedge

Peonies in abundance in people's gardens.

....till I come across a lush abundance of peonies growing in a garden I pass by, till I see the giant roses the size of cauliflowers everywhere, till I see the rhododendron in bloom in the hedges, till I see the lush green grass in the gardens spattered with tiny smidges of white and yellow flowers and roll on them with my sons....

... till I take in the beautiful house we live in, with its huge rooms that the boys love playing hide and seek in, the stairs that are so steep they seem to be created with the sole intent of training people in a basic mountaineering course, the eccentric heating system that goes on strike every 2nd day, the huge garden with its camellia and the rose bushes and the apple trees or the patch of strawberries in a corner and the fox that slinks in every evening like clockwork looking for food.....

Moreover, in these last couple of weeks, I have been addressed as "love" about a zillion times more than I have been by the husband in all the years I have known him; plumbers, delivery men, taxi drivers, bus conductors, shop keepers, random strangers I have stopped to ask for directions, and even by the teenager who sold me tickets for a ride at the fair !!!

Suddenly life doesn't seem so bad after all.... 

After all, once the sun comes out, everything does becomes all right with the world.... Now all I need to do is pray hard for it come out a little more than it normally does! ;)

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, good night....

We pack tomorrow........... and then its Sayonara Singapore! Atleast for now....

Of late, just discussing how much I am going to miss this city makes me well up. I am not a sentimental person. I don't shed tears at the drop of a hat! Infact people who shed tears at the drop of a hat, annoy me immensely because of the unfair advantage they enjoy over emotionally and lachrymally challenged people like me! And yes, before you even suggest, it is not that time of the month either!

So why the sudden over performance of the lachrymal glands? In fact the other day, at the theatre, when I saw this PBS video "This is home", I realised I had tears in my eyes. That was the first time it hit my denial ridden self, that my time here in this city that I love so much, is now drawing to a close.

I am an Indian and hold an Indian passport. 

But after a lifetime of living in hostels and then moving from one city and country to another as a corporate nomad, the definition of "Home" tends to be nebulous at best. So if you ask me, where is Home, it takes me a while to come up with an answer. 

Where is Home really? In Bhubaneswar, a sleepy little city I have not lived in for the past 15years and am a complete stranger to? Or is it Bangalore, where we first set up house together after we just got married and where we now have our own apartment? It is definitely not Bombay, the last city we lived in. Somehow Bombay and I are just not made for each other. Its harshness exhausts me, the chaos defining the city, makes me feel lost rather than alive and its blanket of apathy is too depressing for me to come to terms with. It is definitely not New Delhi even though its the city where I came to meet Vj and where I stayed the longest - 5 whole yrs! I may be dragged over the coals for this by the Delhi lovers, but I would rather die than call Delhi home!

So there has been no Home really. Every city has been just a pit stop till we moved to the next location.

Or at least so was the scene, till I came here to Singapore. 

This is the place where we became parents. Where two of us, who lived in the manner of two carefree flat-mates who just happened to be married to each other, suddenly found their lives turned upside down. Where we laughed and shed more tears in these last 2 years than we have in our entire lifetime and have loved every minute of it! Where instead of bonding over sipping alcohol while lying on some beautiful beach or driving through the breathtaking beauty of Scotland, we bonded over watching 2 tiny little babies sleep and over sleepless nights, formula, changing diapers and wiping drool and vomit off ourselves! So it is but natural to have more than a soft spot for the city which was the genesis of it all!

But even if we keep aside this wholly emotional reason, I could still find a hundred and one reasons why I love this city!

This is just the right amount of 'foreign' without being alien. I enjoy the comforts and luxuries of the First World without having to sacrifice the desires of my desi self; my cravings for Bollywood movies, for chilli chicken dry and momos & or for a veggie Tuesday treat of piping hot idlis and gunpowder at Murugan Idli!

Here, traffic cops don't hide behind road bends and over bridges with the sole intent of making your wallet lighter. Govt. officials don't behave like they are doing you a huge favour by acknowledging your existence. Instead, they give you appointments, stick to the appointed time and at the end, with a smile give you a form to rate their performance! And immigration authorities, instead of looking at you like scum with some highly contagious form of rabies, actually smile at you at the airport and say "welcome back home" when you hand over your passport!

This is where my OCD spirit finds kindred souls, instead of feeling out of place like it did in Bombay! Can you imagine any other city where the policy makers had the foresight to make chewing gum in public an offence? Till date, I thought I was the only one who hated to see people chew gum like human versions of cattle chewing cud and then spitting it out in public unmindful of whose clothes/ shoes that sticky horrible thing latches on to next!

And where else would I find a taxi driver apologise to me for taking a wrong turn and then offer to deduct the extra fare of his own volition? Or where else would I get three different mails from three different Govt. bodies informing me what steps are being taken to address the complaint I made about a speeding bus that jumped a traffic signal?

But Singapore has been more than that. It has been my refuge after an especially trying stint in Bombay where my life seemed to just fall apart! I hated my job and it hated me back. With my complete lack of social skills and my "call a spade a spade" approach to life, I was an utter and total misfit in the shallow & superficial world of advertising, where one paid lip service to people while simultaneously stabbing them in the back! And I hated the fact that each single day, I wasted 5 & half hours precious hours of my life in commuting to work and back! 

And then came Dad's illness.....the pressure of dealing with one mysterious ailment after another that he kept getting, his numerous doctor visits and the countless hospitalisations, the stress that came along with it was just killing. In short, almost everything that could go wrong with my life, seemed to go wrong in those 3 years! 

And then I left it all behind and came here. Things took a turn for the better..... 

This is where I finally found peace. Where, if I can give into the temptation of being the drama queen that I truly am, I picked up the pieces of my broken self and rose like a phoenix from the ashes. Where the cynic in me came to terms with the fact that sometimes in life, miracles do happen. And where I learnt that when the time is right, everything falls into its rightful place like the pieces of some giant cosmic puzzle. 

So as a farewell tribute to the one city I really love with my whole heart and soul, here are some images of Singapore that have been shot by me.

London you definitely have some really big shoes to fill!!

The Esplanade theatre and a boat passing by

The Merlion looks really mysterious at night!

The Flyer through my lens

Lights that almost come alive at night... Esplanade again... 

Ents or Huorns? Actually its neither!
These are replicas of a giant extinct tree called Lepidodendron or Scale Tree at the Evolution garden

One of my favourite refuges in Singapore - the Buddha Temple at Chinatown

Inside the Buddha Temple in Chinatown

The smile that lit up my mom's face each time she went to the Botanic garden

And here's my favourite shot of them all - the Vs and I feeding the fish and the turtles at the Botanic garden

Now who's the boss here???

The Vs have been running amok like 2 caffeine charged missiles on the loose. Every single day I break up about 50 odd fights. 

V1 wants to see dolphins & horses on the Sound Touch App on my iPad. V2, the hero in the making that he is, will only see motorcycles. So, V2 switches off the iPad each time V1 puts on the horses…. And so we fight…..

V2 snatches away V1’s play dough. V1 head butts V2 who in turn kicks him in the head. And so we fight…..

V1 attacks V2’s share of the grapes after finishing his own …. V2 retaliates by taking a bite of V1's butt… and so we fight…. 

V1 and V2 take turns at playing elephants…. Suddenly the playful romp has turned into a WWF wrestling bout accompanied by screaming and tears….. And so we fight…. 

V2 .... well V2 being V2, kicks V1 just for the heck of it....…. And so we….
Oh dash it all, you do get the picture, don't you?

Thus, after yelling about a thousand “NO”s a day in different pitch levels and feeling like a mentally bruised and battered referee of a boxing match, I reach the end of my patience levels, wag my finger like mad and yell "Noooooooooooo!!!!" 

Unfortunately, for me, this doesn't cause any terror. Instead it moves in a direction totally removed from the one I had intended! Before long all the boys in my life have developed my action into a game where in each goes wagging his finger at the other, accompanied by a near perfect imitation of me going “Nooooo”!

And if that wasn't humiliating enough, the Vs thrilled with the success of this new game, take it a notch further and start attempting to discipline every adult human being they meet in public places, wagging their little fingers and going "Noooo" !!! 

After a few such embarrassing episodes in public, I come to the conclusion that when it comes to sending shivers down people's spines, I am no female Jack Nicholson from Shining! Now whatever my faults, I am a quick learner and to top it, am gifted with a near genius IQ. So I quickly do a volte face and decide to bring in the expert, or at the very least her technique; the very technique that managed to tame even the most out of control child in every single Super Nanny episode - the very successful “Naughty corner”!

Now it’s no surprise that V2 being the bully and the naughtier one, gets to be the chosen one on whom I get to experiment this technique on first. 

V2 kicks V1 again. This time I don’t repeat, “Say Sorry” like parrot stuck in a time warp. Instead, brimming with the confidence that comes from having watched 5 seasons of SN, I pick V2 and put him on a chair and in true Super Nanny style, parrot out, “I told you not to kick Bhai but you didn’t listen. So you get punished. You sit in this naughty corner now!” 

I can tell V2 is foxed. He is trying to gauge how this impacts his existence in the next few minutes. How can just sitting somewhere be a punishment? So he decides to test waters tentatively in true V2 style by flashing me one of his irresistible crooked grins. And then seeing I don’t react, he gets more adventurous and decides to show me how he can jump off the chair. I wait for him to finish jumping off and then put him back calmly, and repeat the whole talk about the punishment, all the while mentally patting myself on the back for being unruffled through it all. 

By now V2 realises something is very wrong. What is the fun sitting on a chair if you can’t jump off it? Maybe the mother is confused, he thinks and tries again. Same result. Now he gets mad and starts screaming “Kickh Maamy, Kickh Maamy” going so far as to land one on my shin. I raise my eyebrow and in my sternest voice tell him that this only makes it worse, so he is sitting there longer. V2 starts crying. For a change, I don't relent. Then comes his fake cough that always manages to defeat me. This time the stubborn Taurean in me digs in her heels and not give in as always. V2 finally gives up. After what seems like ages, a minute and half finally gets over. I ask him for an apology, which he provides very promptly and the episode seems a huge success!!! 

Now after this hugely successful experiment, I am overflowing with confidence. So the next time V2 kicks V1, I don't hesitate even for a second before I take him to the ‘naughty corner’ to sit it out. But hey, didn’t someone once say something about “Pride has a fall, for all?”. Flushed with success, I seem to have grossly underestimated V2 and his razor sharp brain! 

So as I put V2 down and start my lecture all over again, “plonk” lands a kiss on me. And then another. And yet another. And a few hugs. And some more kisses thrown in for good measure. No one can fault V2 for his generosity. As waves of some warm gooey feeling sweep all over me, V2 cunningly unleashes his final trump card. Once he is sure I am in the same boat as a polar cap dissipating under global warming, he flashes another one of those irresistible smiles and asks, “Down”? 

The thawing stops midway. It hits me with the force of an Equatorial thunder shower that I have been played! And that too by a toddler who is not yet 2! And to make matters worse, suddenly I have this uncontrollable urge to laugh! So before I can do any further damage and destroy whatever little authority I have left, I excuse myself and run out of the room. 

And therein ends the story of my short lived brush with the naughty corner; an initial stroke of beginner's luck followed by a degeneration down the learning curve into a full blown mishap!

Just when you think my cup runneth over, think again!! Starting this morning, V1 who is yet to experience the naughty corner thanks to his (relatively) calmer disposition, has started feeling he is missing out on something really important. So at every conceivable opportunity, he looks hopefully at me, points to the naughty corner and asks, “Corner pliss?”. Each time I raise my voice in warning, each time I say "No", V1 is there, to look at me with his huge puppy eyes and beg, “Corner pliss?” !!! 

Oh dear God in Super-nanny heaven, what am I doing wrong?? The Vs find every threat I dish out about as attractive as a day at Disneyland! :( 

But hang on, all is not completely lost! At least not yet! The naughty corner may need some serious re-working, but for the time being I have found the perfect Boogeyman!

No, its not school! Its not a he, its not a she, its not a what either! So what on earth is this mysterious and terrifying entity that has successfully managed to scare my two little terrors when I failed? 

Well, it’s a Mosquito!! Yes you read right! Yes, my 2 very phirangi babies are petrified of mosquitoes. Each time they even imagine seeing one, I have to go clapping for the next half hr to assure them that the threat is annihilated once and for all! 

So ever since I have discovered this Achilles heel, I am in seventh heaven! Now if I don’t want them to go touch a cupboard, sneak into a corner or try pull out a plant in the garden, all I need to mention is the M word. And then patiently wait and watch the Vs scoot back to the safety of their mosquito free surroundings! :

The short stint at school!

We went to school for exactly 2 (half) days. And since then, three weeks have passed and we have been everywhere but to school! Those who know me well, would ask here, "So,what's new?"

Vj with the Vs in their first school!

Come to think of it, life changed radically the day I stepped out of home into life in a hostel & discovered that living away from one's parents comes with the benefit of no one shaking you awake in the morning & then forcing you to get ready & spend the day in the dullest of surroundings. Since then my college and MBA days have been a nebulous haze of bunking classes & maximising the benefits of this fantastic concept called 'attendance by proxy' and every once in a while, wandering off to class to catch up on some long overdue sleep. And as a pathetic example of what every responsible elder sister should not do, I have stood outside my sisters' classrooms on multiple occasions and instigated them to run away from class so we could go catch a movie! 

So what's so special about bunking this time, that it needs a whole post dedicated to it? Well this time I have not been bunking just any class. This time it is the Vs who are/ were going to school and that is what we have been bunking these last 3 weeks!!

Shocking!!! And how utterly, totally pathetic!! Not only am I a disgrace to the Mother India image, I don't even qualify to wash the "Charan kamal" (lotus feet) of the kiasu high Indian mommy!! I don't cook fresh food everyday, I teach the boys to splash in puddles & arrange flowers & play with fish out of my fridge when everyone is busy teaching their kids the alphabet and colors and now I make them bunk school!!! 

I wonder if the Vs, as a way of the Universe rectifying its own imbalance, will turn out to be the pain in the ass, diligent sort like my youngest sis, who would refuse to join me in any of my shenanigans that involved bunking classes! 

Anyway the post is supposedly about the Vs first attempt at school and not about their mommy and her nostalgia about the good wild days so we shall grudgingly leave that behind and get down to the tale in the present. 

As Gloria, our nanny was off to the Philippines for a holiday, we decided to do something to keep the Vs occupied in the mornings when she takes them to the playground. One of the options that came up was trying a school. Vj was a great advocate of this, pun unintended, school of thought. "We are shifting to a new city in a month - it will be a new place, new people, new climate. The Vs will have lots to adjust to without having to deal with adjusting to a new concept called school as well. Better let them get used to it here itself, so it doesn't come as a shock to them", he said. Made perfect sense, as Vj always does! 

So I asked a friend of mine and she introduced me to her daughter's Montessori teacher who was extremely kind and sweet enough to let us send the Vs for 3 sessions only, with the understanding that if they seemed okay with the concept, we would make it a regular event till we leave for UK. 

After the classes were arranged without a hitch, I started developing cold feet (I like to call it ESP in this case). Somehow the whole idea seemed like a not very good one... now the Vs haven't been alone or unaccompanied ever! And at 22 months, I thought they were just too young to start school. 

"Don't fret" said friends, "they will be fine. They are quite social and they will fit right in". And then came the argument that you get used to listening to even in your sleep, when you have twins, "After all there are 2 of them, they will look out for each other". And while I hemmed and hawed and tried to undo this development, Vj held his ground. So off we went to school, my qualms notwithstanding! 

I didn't get much sleep all night. The Vs were told many bed time tales of how much fun kids have at school. I carried a book to make sure I had enough to do while I sat outside waiting for them like the typical Bengali mother.

But nothing you do or plan, prepares you for that moment when your kid takes that first step away from you, into a whole new world which you are not a part of. So as the Vs walked in without even a whimper, there started building within me a pang that I couldn't place - was it sadness or was it relief? Well whatever it was, it lasted all of 15 seconds! As soon as the teacher shut the door, V2 started bawling "Maamy, Maamy"... So all the budding and bubbling pangs were shoved deep down by another overpowering emotion - the need to run in and tell him I was very much there. 

But that was not allowed. So I sat there, helpless, listening to my son cry his heart out, and I could feel tears welling up in mine. I, who am so proud of the fact that I don't shed tears like most women do. I, who never shed a tear, even on reading the Kite Runner. I, who never shed a tear even after watching Life is beautiful. I, who hates to see people crying and making public spectacles of themselves, sat there with tears streaming down my eyes!!!

"This is a very, very bad idea" I said as I glared malevolently at Vj who took one look at me, assessed the situation & decided that scooting away from the place was the best way to live to see another day. As I sat weeping and debating whether I should stage a walk in and rescue the Vs at this stage, in walked my friend U, whose daughter N, goes to the same school and who the Vs are extremely fond of. 

"Look after the boys" I told N, who the angel that she is, nodded understandingly and in great empathy! Her mother now, was not so empathetic. "Don't be ridiculous" she said. "You cannot sit here the whole morning waiting for them!". And as I started bawling, she, sensible woman that she is, dragged me out to do what normally would have taken my mind off the worst of predicaments - an all carb breakfast and some shopping! 

Only this time feeling incredibly guilty, I ended up splurging on the boys while looking surreptitiously at the clock to see if it was time to go back and rescue them. Finally time dragged by and it was time for me to pick them up. As I reached, out rushed the Vs bawling their eyes and heart out.

And then started the tear fest that would have made even KJo of the oh-so-soppy movies so envious, were he to witness our performance! The Vs ran into my arms, clung to me like the proverbial drowning men clutching a straw and howled some more. I clung to them and howled back. Vj stood there looking sheepish and pretending not to know us. Other people around grinned amusedly, obviously enjoying the whole drama. 

Then out came teacher to tell me that the boys hadn't eaten or drunk anything since morning! In fact they wouldn't even let her touch them to change their diapers! Things took a whole turn for the worse after we come home. The Vs started to wake up from their sleep howling for me. They burst into tears if I so much as went out of their eyesight, even if it was to the loo. This 'need to cling' was a whole new phenomenon we had never encountered before. 

"The boys were very traumatised by the school" I told Vj.

"Nonsense" says my hubby whose sensitivity never ceases to amaze me, "They must have gas. Put some gas medication in their milk" !!!???!!!! 

Yes!! But I married the man so I try not to judge him as that means asking difficult questions about my own intellect and sanity! ;-(

But we agreed to give school one more shot. Day 1 is traumatic for every child, it will get better with time - everyone tells me, and thus we trudge back again. This time, V1 seemed to be happy walking in with his friend N, while V2 fussed again. So Vj sat with them for about an hr to make them feel more at home, as my friend U dragged me away yet again for some more carb loading and shopping. But at the end of school day, it was the same story again - again no food had been eaten and no water or juice drunk. After school, both boys promptly fell sick and stayed sick for the next 2 and 1/2 weeks, conveniently taking care of the question of whether to continue sending them to the same school or not.

Even though the question is hypothetical right now, with the boys continuing to be sick and the move happening in the next 1 week, the issue is soon going to come up again in a couple of months when the Vs start going to a school in our next destination, London.

I've had enough! There is no point putting them through so much trauma. If only we can find some less traumatic option! (And no, I don't mean home school!!!) I loathe to see my two normally happy and friendly boys suddenly become clingy, whiny and afraid! It breaks my heart to have to reassure them that I am not leaving them and going off somewhere.

Then I discover from a few friends, this whole new concept of accompanied play schools where the objective is to make the transition easier and less scary for the child. 

Now as I sit googling for accompanied play schools near our new home, I find my hubby tell my sons who still are going through separation anxiety, "if you don't listen to me, I will send you back to school"!!!

Like I said, Vj's sensitivity never ceases to amaze me!!! ;-)))

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Vj with the Vs, at the zoo, pointing to a Hippo - "Look that's a Rhino"!! 

Me wondering how he managed to pass school, "NOOOOOOOOO!! That's a hippo!"

Vj with a deadpan expression, "Its all the same"

Me, full of scorn that comes with scoring 96% in your school finals in the subject, "What are you saying? How much did u get in Biology?"

Vj with the dogged determination that comes from running marathons, "They are from the same family"

Me rolling my eyes heavenwards, "And what family is that??"

Vj, "Its called the Large Animal Family"!!!

I am speechless! I give up!

Between a mom who makes them bunk school and a dad who can't tell his hippo from his rhino, school is likely to be a cake walk for our sons as compared to dealing with daddy and mommy!

Ten days that shook my world!

It wasn't the longest 10 days of my life. But it came damn mighty close! 

Till exactly a weekend ago, I was going through 10 days of what the average Mumbaikar so colourfully and evocatively describes as "waat lagi hui hai"! Why? Very simply because till then, Angel 1 was off to her country for a short holiday.

So here is a recap of what I did pick up during these 10 long days, 

1. I learnt that running behind 2 kids every waking minute of their day was infinitely more tiring than exercising twice a day & more killing than exercising with even the most sadistic personal trainer! 

2. I learnt that something as mundane as changing diapers could be back breaking and exhausting! In these 10 days, I changed enough diapers and washed enough baby bottoms to suffer from chronic nightmares of me stuck in a room full of, let's just put it politely as, "human waste"! I am not squeamish. In fact, far from it. I am the weird type who find cleaning meat therapeutic. I have gotten frozen chicken with it's head and claws intact & chopped it at home. And then gone ahead to cook and eat it with no qualms whatsoever. But soldiering through cleaning poop can drain even the toughest and the least squeamish of us! Esp if you are doing it about 6 times a day! For each baby!

And as if the Vs were enjoying every minute of this, they had the urge to purge the minute we left home! So I also learnt the location of the changing rooms in almost every public place I go to; at the zoo, at the play gyms, at the beach, at restaurants, at the mall, you name it, I was there changing diapers in each one of them!!!!

3. I learnt that it takes Himalayan self control to cook on an average, 3 different options at each meal time and then watch it being spat out to the refrain of "No that, No that"!

And that reciting Rudyard Kipling's immortal lines "If you can keep your head...." goes a long way in keeping it all together when you watch every single one of your culinary creations being rejected with disdain & when your pride in your culinary skills is being not so slowly chipped away with each meal!

Till Angel 1 went home, I was quite proud of the fact that I was a very good cook. 3 days later I was having doubts. 10 days later, I was willing to befriend even a door post if it could give me some validation!!!

4. I learnt equally painful lessons in patience and tolerance. Esp in dealing with the senior most V, who worked from home these 10 days and did his share of doling out advice that would have made many a pain-in-the-ass mother in law proud! 

I have started to believe that since the ma in law is a sweetheart who cannot even terrorise a fly if she tried, the Universe decided to correct this imbalance by letting my mom and hubby more than make up for this! And never was this more evident than in these 10 days. 

5. I learnt to adopt (more like was forced to) a whole new lifestyle of "early to bed and early to rise", except I don't see anything healthy/wealthy/ wise happening in terms of returns for the same! 

I woke up each morning to see the sun rise, a sight that I hadn't seen in months, if not years. Even though I have cribbed in the past about not getting enough sleep at night, I am primarily a creature of the dark. I prefer staying up nights to feed the Vs & write or read and then like to wake up late. All that went out of the window the minute Angel 1 wasn't there to entertain the Vs in the mornings; and they in turn decided the best way to entertain themselves was by jumping WWF style on my stomach, accompanied by battle cries that would make Ghenghis Khan proud! 

6. I also grudging learnt to accept that outdoor activities ain't all that bad. So from painting and making play dough toys and reading and watching animal videos together, I progressed to taking the Vs on early morning walks (mainly to keep them from wreaking havoc on all my precious artefacts), playing soccer with them on the lawns, chasing butterflies & birds. And I have to grudgingly accept that these have been the best moments in each day! And that they brought back memories of another era when a friend and I stole lemons from our neighbour's gardens and made lemonade on summer afternoons; when we tried making rafts out of the stem of the banana tree and then tried to use it as a boat when the garden used to be flooded in the rain....and many more such crazy moments!

7. And the best part of it all was that I chanced upon the fact that the 2Vs were ready for fine dining long before I thought they were!! Here I was, with serious qualms about inflicting them on a bunch of bored lunch goers/ diners and then came the Vs, proudly proving me wrong by calmly munching on their French fries and sipping their ice lemon teas out of glasses.

I learnt to not raise the eyebrow that was begging to be raised, when V1 discovered dipping his fries in ice tea was the best way to consume it. I learnt to not be flustered about what was going waste when V2 wanted to "tly" by which he meant heaping everything every one else was eating on his plate and then proceeded to eat only the fries!

Still it was a massive achievement that. Less for them and more for Vj and me who worried endlessly about how much stress dining with the Vs would entail. We have now successfully progressed to a stage where the Vs eat their food and we eat ours without acting as if we could be victims of a nuclear holocaust any minute!

7. But above all else, I came to realise that a good nanny is as essential as Oxygen to your system. Life came to a standstill without Angel 1 - there was no going out for dinner, no sudden, spur of the moment visits to catch a movie, no leisurely afternoon naps on weekends, no exercising, no evening walks by the riverside listening to Kishoreda. Hell, even spending 5 minutes in the loo seemed impossible without the Vs yelling for Mammy and trying to break down the door!

I have now learnt to appreciate Angel 1 like never before! And believe that her agreeing to come along with us to London was one of the nicest stroke of luck one could hope for! 

And then finally came Good Friday which for once was truly a "Good" Friday in every sense of the term as Angel 1 came back to restore peace, balance and equilibrium in our world. And when she walked in and the Vs rushed into her arms, instead of even a minuscule pang of envy, all I felt was an overwhelming sense of relief and surety; that now life would come back to normal. And so it did. 

Today, every single one of my cooked lunches/ dinners/ breakfasts are back to being consumed, albeit with protests but nevertheless being consumed and my bruised self esteem has started to heal itself. I manage to catch a few more minutes of precious sleep every morning. And I have the option of taking some "me-time" every once in a while when I feel like it. And each time I do any of the following, I thank the God for Angel 1!!!