The year of conversations

As 2012 winds down, I sat down to introspect as to what kind of a year this has been for me (a few glasses of wine for lunch will do that for you, the introspection that is) and I realized that while this has been a year of a memorable events and changes - seeing our first snow fall, mastering toilet training, letting go of the pacifier and the bottle of milk at night, graduating to big boy beds and bicycles, loads of road trips and finally moving cities and countries; it has also been a year of conversations... many a memorable chat with my two boys. 

The norm in our household earlier had been thus - I talk non stop and the husband switches off while pretending to listen. In fact he got so good at it, he could repeat exactly what I had said, word for word, without any of it having percolated into his head.

I had expected the boys to take after him in their conversation skills and talk in monosyllables but as of now they seem to have my gift of the gab and keep yapping all the time.

And with every passing month, as their vocabulary grows richer; and as they learn to use plurals (giraffes-ses and clothes-ses, which always reminds me of Gollum from LOTR); as they experiment with past tense (broke-ed, eat-ed, sleep-ed et al); as they learn to twist the difference between 'accident' and 'deliberate' to their advantage (the  perpetrator always claims his crime was an "accident" while the victim invariably insists it was deliberate) and as they discover the power of adjectives ( for instance V2 warning V1 with a"Get away from the TV or you become an old woman like Mammy"), I have been witness to many a memorable conversation which has invariably left me amused or rolling with laughter and on a few occasions, speechless.

As the year winds down and as these memories fade away, I wanted to record these for posterity. 

So here are a few of my favourites of this year....

1. A Mammy's job? 

Every morning, as we walked hand in hand to the school, the boys and I had some conversation or the other; some days we talked about the boy who ran away to the moon, some days we discussed superheroes and their clothes, food habits and weapons of choice. Some days we stopped to watch the fox that came for food every morning to the home for the elderly, right at the beginning of the lane where we lived or we talked about the chestnut cankers lying on the road and the squirrels for whom those cankers were a treat.

That day, since they had asked me before if my favourite hobby (apart from reading and taking pictures) was looking after them, I decided to get their thoughts on what a mummy’s job is/ should be. 

So, never one to waste time beating around the bush, I jumped in directly, “What do you think a mummy’s job is?”

V2 thought for a while and went first “Tell me to be careful”

Me very surprised and thrilled, “Yes, that’s right. What else?”

V2: “To say No if we are naughty”

Me: “Great going!”

V2 is on a roll now “To cook yummy food for us?”

Me “ Okay. What else?”. 

Looks like I have been doing a better job than I had been giving myself credit for. No wonder the compliments are pouring in… 

So thrilled to the core, I turn to V1, “What do you think is Mummy’s job?”

V1 is my not so garrulous child. He speaks less, and uses words more succinctly and conveys what he wants in as few words as possible! 

So I cannot wait to hear what he has to say about his Mammy.

And then V1 speaks. “Mammy’s job is to say No all the time. And be a headache” 

Ouch! 

2. How to not eat your cake and get away with it too....

There is a reason V2 always gets away with murder... 

V1 who knew I was upset about his refusing to eat my bread pudding, decided to make amends, and asked for it on his own at dinner time.  But then the minute he saw it, he forgot all his good intentions and said "No, this is yucky. Don't want it"
(Sigh! All my illusions of being a fantastic cook get smashed to smithereens every single evening!!) 

And then as I start looking crestfallen, V2 says "Mammy, I love it. I love your cooking” 

Then he proceeds to take a tiny ant sized portions and chew on each at a speed which would make a sloth feel like Usain Bolt!

So finally, annoyed I say, “If you love my cooking so much, then why do you not eat your food?” 

To which V2 very considerately explains "Mammy, I like your cooking. But I don’t like eating” 

3. Semantics and a 3yr old..

Yet another day of yelling and shouting at the dinner table. 

I am yelling. V2, as always is taking what seems like forever to eat what is on his plate. 

Suddenly I discover, he has put his head on the arm of the chair and is fast asleep. 

So I wake him up and try putting a spoonful of food in his mouth. 

Two spoonfuls later, I notice he has fallen asleep again. Saliva dribbles out of the corner of his mouth. 

So I feel sorry for the kid, pick him up and carry him to his room to clean him up and put him to bed.

As I lay V2 on his bed, suddenly his flagging energy seems to miraculously make a comeback as the little man immediately opens his eyes and starts jumping.

Me shocked, “You are not sleepy anymore?”

V2 flashes me his trademark roguish, elfish grin. 

Me even more shocked at having been made a fool of by a 3yr old, “You were lying to me?”

V2 still grinning, “No Mammy, I not lying. I pretending”. 

4. Love and War

The boys have been fighting non stop – everything and anything is liable to cause a war these days – from the super hero picture on their underpants to what view one has on their side of the taxi window to snatching each other’s toys to calling each other babies; it is a roller coaster that just doesn’t seem to ever come to a stop. 

I know this is all my bad Karma coming back to visit me; a payback for all those years my sisters and I drove Maa insane with our non stop fights but it is still driving me crazy. 

However today as V2 insists V1 is “annoying me again and again" and refuses to participate in a reconciliatory hug and a “I love you Bhai” end to the squabble, I decide to try a new approach.

Me: “Well I have 2 sisters. Sometimes my sisters annoy me and I get angry and fight with them. But we still love each other. And so we say sorry and we hug each other because sisters love each other. Just like that, we are supposed to love our brother and not fight with them all the time". 

At which point my normally quiet V1 suddenly brightens up and says, “Mammy I have a brother. He annoys me all the time. But I still love him”. 

5.Straight out of the mouth of babes.

Now that we have moved to Singapore and the boys have left behind all their friends and everything that was familiar, one of the topics under frequent discussion is who and what they miss the most about life in London

Vj: "So who do you miss the most amongst your friends back in London?" 

V1: "Raoul and Jojo" 

V2: "Ira and Nisa" 

Vj: "Who else?" 

V2 who is more social of the two, pipes in: "Aunty Gen. And Aunty Savy" 

Vj: "What about people from your school? Clementina? Maria? Luca? Francesca?" 

V2 looks at Vj like one looks at a person with single digit IQ - with a mix of pity and scorn. 

Then he explains patiently: "We cannot miss all the peoples Daddy. Only some peoples" 

Straight out of the mouth of babes, as they say…

6. Church tales of horror

Now for some anecdotes from our once a week visits to church ever since we moved back.

We went to attend Mass in church this December, after a gap of almost a yr. 

And it showed...

"Mammy who is this (pointing to Jesus)? Why is Gonesss Nomo Nomo not here?"

"Mammy why is Jesus stuck there (on the cross)?"

"Mammy who hurt him? Tell me their name?"

"Mammy are they singing sad song because he is hurt?"

"Mammy why is that man ( the priest) talking again and again?"

But the most memorable of all our horrifying church tales would have to be when, during the Christmas service, when in the middle of everyone singing "Gloria in excelsis deo", V1 decided he had enough of "sad songs" people keep singing in church and decided to belt out Happy B'dy Baby Jesus at the top of his voice! And if that wasn't bad enough, he followed it up with a louder, "I want to go potty N.O.W" which resulted in us running out full speed before we got thrown out of church and banned from ever coming back!

And on that note, wishing you all a memorable 2013 full of smiles and laughter.... 

The Perfect Christmas Tree

The perfect Christmas tree? All Christmas trees are perfect!”
~ Charles N. Barnard, American author, travel writer.

Every year for the past 12yrs (of my marriage to Vj who is a Roman Catholic), decorating the Christmas tree is one of the things I have looked forward to. I have my box of baubles and crystal stars and little Santas and elves for Christmas decorations, that I add to each yr and no one, not even the boys, is allowed to touch them. Every year I spend hours trying to make the tree look perfect. Even the years when we are travelling to India for Christmas, the tree is done up in advance before we leave for our holidays.

This year, however, the planning got a bit messed up. 

This year, we will be spending Christmas in a service apartment in Singapore as we are yet to move into our new home. 

Our tree and the box of baubles is still on its way and will reach us only after Christmas is over. 

This year, for the very first time in the last 12 years, I will not be cooking any elaborate feast for Christmas.

This year after a long time, we will be celebrating Christmas alone, minus any one in my or Vj's family with us. 

But Christmas is the time to count one's blessings and I have many to be thankful for - 

for the 3 men who complete my life, 

for being in a city I love and am familiar with so I am not lost for ideas on what to do and where to go, 

for the love of my family 

for old friends and new ones; for friends who have been there through thick and thin; for friends who have been there with advice and food and laughter when I have needed it.

for all the love, encouragement and support I receive from each and everyone of you who is on Rainbows and Cloudbursts.

This year, we were tree-less for Christmas till I took the boys to an art class. This class is run by my friend Bhavani Suryavanshee who runs a arts and crafts class for 3-6yr olds out of her home in Singapore and is great fun for kids and parents alike. I have been to two and have enjoyed myself thoroughly as have the boys. 

And over 2 sessions, my 2 little brats made a Christmas tree and the decorations for it - one far more beautiful, far more colourful than my perfect tree...

Sharing a few pictures and as I sign off, I wish each and every one of you a magic filled, perfect Christmas in the company of those you love! 

Loads of love, 

Moushumi

And finally 2 Santas for my twins who fight about everything under the sun! 

It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.”
~ W. T. Ellis

Travelling with Kids : a survivor's guide

A 13 hour long flight with two hyperactive three yr olds.....

Just trying to imagine how it would pan out, had been giving me the shivers for days! 

What would I do if they didn’t sleep? 

What would I do, if they wanted to jump over and under each other’s chair and play like the last time?
What would I do, if they thought the man nearby, who had covered his face and was trying desperately to sleep, was only playing peekaboo with them? 

After all, they had gotten more mobile, more capable of independent thought and less likely to sit still with each passing month?

I’d like to say a great deal of strategizing and planning went into our 13hr trip from London to Singapore, given my worries, but honestly we did nothing. 

Yes you read right. NOTHING. Nada. Zip.

Given that we were busy with packing and moving our home from London to Singapore, there was no time or energy left to plan how we were going to entertain the boys through the flight. 

So just the basic things were done – the iPad was fully charged in case we needed some entertainment, two of their favourite toys and some snacks were packed and so were some extra clothes; because each time we haven’t, V2 has taken upon himself to remind us of that omission by dutifully throwing up on us on those occasions. And with that, we decided to leave it to Destiny/ Luck/ Chance/ Fate/ Kismet and hoped all the trips we had taken with the boys had made them more travel savvy.

And well, what to do you know! Kismet must have been smiling on us when we boarded. If I was getting stressed about the immediate future, watching them jump around in the lounge in excitement, eating the free peanuts and potato chips and staring at the planes parked or taxiing outside, I shouldn’t have bothered. The boys walked in, took their seats and discovered Singapore Airlines’ legendary in-flight entertainment. And like it happens with most people on their first encounter with SA's impressive in-flight entertainment, it was love at first sight. 

From that moment on, absolute silence reigned as we watched Ice Age (for the n+1th time). V1 who very keenly watched the stewardess ask me what food and drink I wanted, wanted the same courtesy for himself. So I had the most amusing time, watching my 3yr old, chose his own welcome drink, ask for extra helping of saté and gnaw away at it, while simultaneously try balance the giant noise reduction headphones that were almost as big as his head. The movie got over and they went to sleep. They woke up just in time for us to land.

Needless to say, I couldn’t have asked for a better or easier flight experience. Buoyed by the smoothness and ease with which this trip and the past few holidays have passed by, I decided to do this post – on travelling with kids. 

Now, I am no expert (as the lack of effort in preparing for a journey would have forewarned you) but after having survived 6 international flights and countless road trips with twin boys in a span of 3 years, I feel I have reached a point where I can sit back, imagine a halo around my head and proceed to utter some wise (???) words for the benefit of those who might want to travel with kids but are worried about what it may entail.  

So here it is, all the gyaan disseminated from my experience of travelling with 2 toddlers in tow.
Read and follow at your own risk.

The first step is always the hardest!

The first journey with the kid, will always be the toughest.
The first trip is the one where you will start with no idea what to expect and where you will want everything to go off without a hitch. And where you’ll probably be so stressed that if anything went wrong, you will immediately question why you came on this trip in the first place! 

But remember, this is the first step, the beginning of your learning curve; the experience that will teach you what not to do the next time around. So, don’t give up! Every subsequent trip will only increase your confidence and get your kids used to travelling, making holidays with kids much easier with each trip.

Our first trip to India, was a nightmare where everything that could go wrong, went wrong. We lost our bags, we encountered delayed flights, we were stressed throughout and the kids were sick during the entire trip. And after that trip, it took me months to even gather the courage to even plan another. But we did plan subsequent trips and holidays and things only got easier each time. 

Children adapt really fast, adults not so much!

Having moved two countries in these last three years and having travelled with the boys a fair bit, I have come to believe that children adapt much faster than we give them credit for. They adjust better to change; they are more curious and open to new experiences. It is we adults who worry about how they will cope, what we should carry, what we should leave behind, what they will eat and what they won’t. 

We always manage to find something to entertain ourselves even
when we are stuck in a field with some stones that make our Mammy get all excited for no reason

So you don’t have to get a panic attack if the restaurant you have walked into doesn’t have a kids menu. Chances are,  you will invariably find something that is tasty and excites them, whether it be a creamy pasta or sausages with mash or a Nasi lemak with chicken drumsticks or a chocolate prata.

Great expectations: not so great!

Do not expect a trip with a child to go at the same pace as with another adult! You cannot expect to cover 3 museums a day with a child in tow. If that is what you are expecting, you are in for a disappointment. Slow down your pace and keep your expectations real.

Also plan for unexpected delays like sudden demands for toilet visits each time there is none for miles on the motorway. And yes, the trip to the sea-lion rescue centre may last much longer than the 2hrs you budgeted for, leaving you with no time to see the castle you wanted.
Shit happens. Live with it! 

Plan ahead

While the company of our kids teaches us lessons in spontaneity previously forgotten, trip arrangements are no place to be spontaneous especially if you are travelling with a baby or a toddler. A few simple steps can reduce your stress drastically viz.

• Leave well in advance so you aren’t rushing at the last minute while simultaneously begging the kids to hurry up.
• Being stuck in long queues especially with a kid who asks you every ten seconds how long it will take, can give you a crash course in being patient and calm under duress! In order to avoid such crash courses, wherever possible, buy tickets for attractions in advance so you can skip the long queues.
• Check out activities for children at the destination you are headed to so there is something for them to enjoy each day. So if you want to visit a museum or a garden, make sure there is a visit to the zoo or a playground planned the same day so everyone is happy.
• Carry snacks and juice in your bag. Not only is food a good way to beat boredom, sometimes it is a critical back-up to have when you run into unexpected delays.
• Carry basic medicines for fever, ear ache or upset tummy with you wherever you travel. If your kid is prone to falling sick, always check ahead where to go in case you need a doctor. This time, V2 developed infections in both ears which was compounded by the long flight. Luckily for us, Singapore was a familiar city and we went straight to the paediatrician who was our doctor when they were babies.
• Always carry extra set of clothes. We learnt this the hard way; each time we forgot to carry spare clothing, as I mentioned earlier, V2 would choose that day to throw up! 
• Load games/apps on your tablet/phone for in-flight entertainment. Keeps the kids occupied and most importantly keeps them from getting unduly interested in your neighbours
• If you are driving, try make a pit stop every 2hrs so they get to walk and run around. Remember the phrase "an empty mind is a devil's workshop" was probably created keeping bored kids in mind. 

Choose wisely

Our first international trip, short of bottled water, we carried everything – books, toys, snacks, to formula and nappies! Only to realise, we could’ve purchased 80% of those in the destination we were headed to, thereby reducing our luggage drastically. So decide in advance what is an absolute necessity and what you can avoid carrying. 

Most sensible travel websites and blogs will tell you that you needn’t carry 200 toys and video games to keep your child engaged. A few choice books/ toys work just as well. And a trip to a nearby park/ playground in the evenings or staying at a working farm is always more exciting than a video game.

Jet lag can be fun.... sometimes

In dealing jet lag I have always gone by the book (always follow your usual routine but as per the time in the new country) and never deviated from the written word. 

Until now that is. This time, on Night 1, when the boys woke up at 1 am and we couldn't get any shut eye either, I broke my own rule and let the three men in my life go out at 3 am to get some food. We sat around the table, laughing over a really late dinner/ very early breakfast at 4 in the am and then each of us promptly fell asleep. It was absolutely the wrong thing to do, the wrong strategy to follow; but sometimes, letting yourself get carried away by the excitement of that moment is so much more fun than following the rule book!

P.S - The rules were back in force after that night and interestingly, my 3 yr olds were over their jet lag long before I had gotten over mine! 

Take a chill pill! 

Finally, relax! Being perpetually paranoid, I should be the last person handing out this piece of advice, but I have learnt ( ironically, the hard way) to relax and let things move at their own pace.

Accept that the pace will be slower than before, and that things may not go exactly as you planned. So stop aiming for perfection, be patient, enjoy yourself and share their excitement. 

And remember, kids running around isn’t such a bad thing all the time; especially in crowded airport lounges, it ensures people run off the minute they see you coming, leaving you with some much-needed seats to sink into! :)