The woes of a Tiger cub

Its turning into one hell of a trying week!! 

First the Vs get the stomach flu one after the other, promptly the day after Vj leaves the country. Which basically means I stay up nights and rock 2 extremely cranky babies who then puke on me at regular intervals till I run out of nightwear! 

Then that mysterious incessant cough is back! Last time it appeared, it harassed me for about 4 months, before it vanished as mysteriously into thin air! It is impervious to antibiotics, to asthma medication, to homoeopathy, to home remedies and makes me feel and sound like a TB patient on her death bed. 

And then there is The Mother, who could teach Amy Chua, of the highly controversial 'Battle Hymn of the Tiger mom' fame (Those more interested, follow this link), a lesson or two in tough love!

Since yesterday have heard,

1. How I need to swim more often & not just when my teacher is around!! Never mind the fact that Singapore is having incessant rains these past few days and the pool is freezing cold when its not raining. After all Bula Chowdhury, that epitome of Bong athleticism before Dada came along, had crossed the freezing waters of the English channel, not once but twice!

Last Tuesday, my naive swimming teacher, partly feeling sorry for me & partly being unaware of the the force of Nature that is my mom, decided to take up my case and tell my mom how I was making fantastic progress, only to be told, she and I should spend less time laughing and chattering away in the pool and spend more time swimming!! My poor teacher, suitably chastised, immediately beat a hasty retreat!

2. How I should spend less time sleeping! True yogis like Baba Ramdev & the mother, manage perfectly with just 5hrs sleep everyday! Yes, apparently the meagre 3-4hrs I have been sleeping the past few nights thanks to the Vs, would have been sufficient if I practised regular Yoga and Pranayamas (Yogic breathing)! It is amazing how we come back to lack of Yoga and Pranayamas as the root of all my woes!

Must add here, that every morning these days we have a sight that is a must-record-for-posterity. Having given up expecting me to do it, these days the mother makes the Vs exercise along with her while she does her Yoga! If Baba Ramdev can have 3 yr olds doing Yoga so why should my 19 month olds be far behind in their quest to be Yoga prodigies?

3. Good home makers are the ones who are undaunted by their child(ren)'s fussy eating habits and cook them new, interesting food every day! Good home makers should also feed their kids fresh food everyday and not make them eat food out of the fridge! Good home makers know if there is garam masala in the house and exactly where it is stored, instead of saying, "I shall have to check with the maid, if we have it, she will find it". Infact good home-makers always have garam masala in the house! 

The silver lining of this has been that my sons for once have stopped fussing ever since Tiger Granny took over the kitchen! Moreover, we have gotten atleast 3month's supply of nimkis, khaja, bundi mixture, cookies all made at home by Tiger Granny!

4. And how I much I need to spend the time I waste making grand plans on some real action! And put an end to my penchant for picking up short lived fads and not leave the well begun as half done! Then all the writing a novel, swimming, learning new languages etc etc would have actually materialised!!!

For example, instead of spending so much time on a totally useless online farm (Farmville) which doesn't translate into any real life veggies, I could have spent some trying to grow some real coriander and mint and lettuce in my balcony! 

By the way, we do now have a lettuce plant growing in my balcony! The mother planted the stalk and root after we had converted the rest of it into salad, and as if to spite me, the goddamned stalk suddenly sprouted leaves!

6. If we are talking of my lack of determination and discipline, how can we not have a mention of my weight, the lack of exercise and the diet! And how they are the reason I am a ticking time bomb! And have no immunity! And no energy! And no flexibility!!! 

But then it would take a major miracle for me to make it through a day of not hearing about the lack of exercise, the abundance of meat & carbs and the dearth of vegetables in my diet!! And yes, about that streak of white hair on my head, that I insist on not dyeing; the one makes me look about 20 yrs older than I am!!!!

Ouch!!! Ouch!!! Ouch!!! All of the above is true and so very valid but still hurt!

Now if that were not bad enough, to add insult to all the injury, the husband of mine is quoted as the shining example of what my ideal self should aim to be - run to the gym every minute he gets a chance, meditate without fail, stay up to mind crying babies and yet miraculously manage to not be cantankerous the entire day, etc, etc.....the list of his accomplishments is probably as long as the list of my shortcomings!

Phew! Need to stop for a breather now. And surreptitiously adjust the earphones I have put on, anticipating such an onslaught; they are not much protection when my mom starts talking but a trust a drowning woman to clutch at any straw no matter how flimsy!

When I am doing all this, I cannot but help think how inspite of being brought up with not one but two Amy Chuas for parents (yep, the dad was worse), as a mother I have turned out to be laidback in the extreme! Don't get me wrong, I still obsessively control every decision that is made for the Vs, right from their clothes to food to where they go to play and when. But when it comes to the Vs, I am more than content to let them be as long as they stay away from my paintings, my artefacts, my plants and my flower vases. I keep being pleasantly amazed each time I discover that they know where their toe is or that they can do a high five or jump with sheer joy when they build a tower of blocks because I haven't bothered to teach them any of these! 

I can't help but wonder how the Vs will turn out without me wanting to breathe down their neck or refusing to give them subtle or not so subtle prods in the direction I have planned for them. Will they find their bliss on their own? What if they turn into the aimless and unambitious drifters our kiasu crazed culture looks down upon? 

After all, to be brutally honest, being a tortured Tiger cub may have warranted me a few extra hours on a shrink's couch but it definitely also brought me where I am today, thousands of miles away from the tiny little town I grew up in. It made me independent, strong willed, seeking success; a person who can look in the mirror today and claim to have achieved something in her own right. 

Then I recall moms I run into, who keep military like schedules for their kids during weekends and vacations & are insensitive enough to tell a kid on the verge of puberty and already lacking self esteem, how overweight he is, in front of his sniggering friends! As I shudder with indignation, I tell myself, "Kiasu be damned"! There is no way in hell, I am turning into them!" And as for the Vs, lets just say, 'Que Sera Sera.....Whatever will be, will be...'

Before I end this post, I must mention that there are many unexpected advantages of being a tortured Tiger cub. For instance, Sally the home delivery lady, kept sending me fish that was never fresh enough. But after I told her, "My mom is in town and she will have quite a bit to say to me if the fish is not fresh", we formed this deep bond of empathy that is only possible between 2 angst ridden souls with tough mothers, and now she sends me the freshest of fish from the market!! Not a bad perk of being a tortured Tiger cub, eh???!!! :)