Terrible Two times Two!!!

The Vs turned 2 this week!

I was browsing the net the other day when I came across this extremely cute poem about what life is like with a 2yr old!

(Source - Jamie25,) 

"There's crayon marks on my walls,

and toys up and down the hall,

There's something that used to be a couch,its true

now it's turned into just a cool-aid stain for two.

This morning I found a toy in my shoe,

but then again I guess that's nothing new,

There's a girl who screams"no,no!"

until my anger starts to show,

There's a girl who wants a cookie and whines until she gets,

I do have to say she's getting good at those little fits!

There's "Sponge Bob Squarepants" on my t.v. all day long,

I swear I'm gonna scream if i hear another "Blues Clues" song!

She tells me NO! when I say it's time to sleep,

and there never seems to be a time she don't make a peep!

Everyone says it's a natural thing she's going through,

But I swear I don't know what I'm gonna do!

These terrible two's are going to kill me!

I guess I'll just hope it gets better when she's three!"

Sounds just about right! Except I have to deal with Terrible Two times Two!!! 

Now our Terrible Two started early, a few months back. I'd love to say that in its present form, it is a full blown crisis, but I have a nagging suspicion that what I have seen is just the tip of the iceberg. The Crisis of the Terrible Two hasn't as yet, been unleashed in all its glory!!! (Wise attitude on the part of moi, I'd say, considering all parenting blogs suggest having the lowest possible expectations at this stage!)

So what does it entail? So along with dealing with the attitude and with the energy of 2 hyperactive boys who can't sit still for even a second, here is my countdown of the Top Ten challenges that this phase has already thrown up! 

At the very bottom we start with,

10- Suddenly thinking Daddy is cool and Mummy is sooooo not! 

This for instance will involve picking & eating every bean & pea & every other vegetable that is normally persona non grata at the table, just because Daddy went to the market by train and got it home but leaving virtually untouched every food that Mummy so painstaking cooks, because what's the fun in that? 

Or get this, here I am, braving the chill and pushing the stroller along to the park when along waltzes in cool Daddy and suddenly I am unceremoniously asked to step aside with a curt, "Go Mammy, Daddy push".

9- Spending a good part of the day stuck to the iPad and iPhone and giving me visions of a nightmarish future full of video gaming & multiple online avatars & God forbid, peeing into bottles while playing MMORPG games!! Point to note - Its amazing how the Vs can clearly say iPad and iPhone while they have problems clearly enunciating a simple Yes. 

8- Now two toddlers being stuck to one gadget can only imply one thing - WAR!!! Thus I get to spend the entire time, trying to stop them from mutilating each other over who gets the iPad or the iPhone. Unless you have worked as a part of the UN Peace Keeping Forces, you will have no clue, how exhausting, dangerous and thankless this job can be!

7-Believing that every phone call I make or receive is intended for them and that I am simply butting in, hogging their phone time! So every time I talk on the phone, I end up simultaneously fighting off 2 little chimps who keep trying to take the phone away from me! 

6-Saying No to everything I say, almost as if its their life's mission to do exactly the opposite of what I ask.

5- While saying No seems to be their birthright, the other hand, hearing the same word seems to kick in some extreme allergic reaction! The symptoms of this allergic reaction are manifested through rolling on the floor, kicking, screaming, crying large drops of tears, looking at me with "oh how could you break my heart" look and finally with threatening to "Kickh Mammy", a phrase that I hear about 298 times each day!

4- Suddenly flipping personalities every alternate day. Now for a Taurean who thrives on lists and To Do charts, dealing with chaos and inconsistencies is nothing short of trauma. Add to that the fact that my Gemini twins thrive on being capricious. And then factor in the teeny tiny piece of info about how they immediately swap personalities the minute I think I have figured each out and have developed strategies to handle each accordingly!

So one day V1 loves peas and the next day he won't eat it but V2 who hated it till then, will miraculously develop a constant craving for it!

And one day V1 is the guy with the unreasonable tantrums and V2 the pleasant, adjusting one and the next day its the opposite

Or its V2 having the nightmares one night and sleeping soundly the very next, while his brother takes on the job of staying awake and howling!! 

I tell you, its enough to drive any sane person mad!

3-Acting on the assumption that I am one third of some weird Siamese triplet combo and that all 3 of us are joined at the hip. Which basically means even a trip to the loo for me involves the Vs walking in with me and demanding I perform while they sit in! And when I manage to plead/beg/cajole/threaten/bribe them out, I still have to endure the loo door being banged constantly by one while the other tries to peep from underneath the door!

2-The only exception to this assumption is the "Go Mammy, go sit there" command I hear occasionally, where "There" is as far away from them as humanly possible. Now this phrase, I get to hear only in parks and playgrounds, esp if there are older girls around who the Vs feel the need to impress through some activity that involves the threat of a broken limb and therefore the presence of Mummy simply cramps their style!!

Finally at the very top comes the mother of all problems - 

1- Being a beacon that attracts everything dangerous and life threatening. So one minute I am trying to stop V1 from riding down the stairs while sitting on a 4inch big toy motorcycle and the next minute I am trying to stop V2 from opening the washing machine to stick his head in. Or after thinking I have sufficiently scared the boys off the gas and the oven by showing them my third degree burn, I walk in to find them standing with their butt to the radiator and screaming "bumbum hot, bumbum hot"!! Or trying to scare them from chasing the fox that comes visiting only to find that one has walked into the hedge of holly and the other into the rose bush and both have ended up with scratches all over their body!!!

"A woman who can cope with the Terrible Twos can cope with anything" ~ Judith Clabes