Preparing for War

It's happening! Our nanny, Gloria is off to the Philippines on a 10 day vacation.

Every time I say this aloud or even think about it, my pulse starts racing and sweat beads start forming!!! This is the first time I shall be handling the boys alone since they started walking. And running. In different directions at the same time! 

Our nanny came when the Vs were 7months old. Vedant was crawling & Vihaan was yet to. Those were the days, I could out run them. Or leave them beside me on the floor early mornings and doze off without bothering about what destruction they would be up to in the next 30 seconds. 

Unfortunately I am one of those "spoilt mothers of today", as my mom calls my ilk, who like to leave all the tough, and not so pleasant tasks like changing diapers and feeding meals to the nanny and spend their time playing with the kids. I like to look at it as highlighting my strengths and camouflaging my weak areas. I mean why should I tear my hair out trying to feed my sons when there is someone who can do it with more ease? 

At the Botanic Gardens

And why should I do it when I can do other things better? Like play with them; with the bubbles and the pretend swimming and the water fights in the bath tub to splashing in puddles after the rain to just chasing butterflies and birds in the park downstairs. Or paint with them or make play dough animals. Or tell stories. I can tell brilliant stories. I can read books to kids better than most people I know. So why not do what I am good at, instead of struggling and being harassed and not enjoying the time I spend with them? 

Anyways I meander again. 

With Gloria around, life was simpler. And easy. Even on days when I suffered from severe pangs of jealousy when V1 cried for her, I never doubted how indispensable she was to my life.

For the next 10 days, I will have to handle everything on my own. Things I enjoy and the things I don't. The tasks I am good at and the tasks I can't manage. And there shall be no time outs, no sleeping till 9 a.m and no one to call for reinforcements when I am exhausted or need to take an important call or just need some me-time! The 2nd help is around but there is no way on earth I am asking her to help out with the boys after I walked in home from my driving class to find her dragging Vedant across the floor!

So alone I shall handle it all. Even as I say it, the thought psyches me! So after hyperventilating for about a week, I decided to do what I do best. Plan! And make lists! And make endless schedules and timetables!!!

Preparations for this eventuality were undertaken on a war footing. Vj was asked to take leave and help out. Yes, I know what you are thinking! How can Vj replace my super efficient nanny? Yes, the idea is ludicrous and howlarious, but when you are a beggar, you just take what you get, right?

So the two MBAs in the household held an emergency meeting. Each day was broken down into tasks done. And plans taking into account every single minute so that the competition (the Vs) never had the upper hand. A friend very kindly called up her daughter's play school so the Vs could go there for a few days and we have some free time from the grinding and gruelling routine.

Schedules were made keeping in mind each team member's strengths and weaknesses. Which basically amounted to Vj getting to play with the boys while I got to do the diaper and the potty! Okay just in case you think how unfair is this deal, must admit that he has also got the task of feeding them. 

And then, like every good plan should have, there was a Dress Rehearsal. Vj was in office and both maids went out shopping in the afternoon. So I decided to see how I would fare during the next few hours, alone with my 2 little human hurricane Katrinas. 

And this is how our dress rehearsal went: 

Come snack time and the demand for the "pysy" (the spicy namkeen my mom sent from India)begins. The rationale that it is too spicy for their taste buds falls on deaf ears. So I give in, in exasperation only to curse myself and wish I hadn't as I find little puddles of pysy vomit all over the room.

Then comes the cheese biscuit shower. As I watch horrified, the biscuits on the floor are jumped upon, smashed into smithereens and then showered with water from the sippy cups, I am guessing, as part of some convoluted belief to make more biscuits grow. By this time I am beyond caring so I just sit and watch the dance of destruction unfolding in front of me like a zombie. I console myself with "eventually they will tire. And what's more, all this can be cleaned in a matter of minutes".

Then as the play room is left in a horrific mess of food and water, our tamasha moves to the drawing room. "Mummy, dance!" says V2, like a pint sized Gabbar ordering an exhausted Basanti, as the Bose booms out the Vs latest favourite song Paka Paka baby (Shakalaka baby from Andrew Lloyd Webber's Bombay Dreams). So like Basanti, dance I do, as if my life depends on it.

Suddenly I look up from my zombie dance to find V2 missing. Apparently as I was busy trying to overcome my 2 left feet, he had kept himself occupied with giving my Shirdi Saibaba statue, a permanent limp. As I catch up with him and rescue my other gods from suffering a similar fate, I find the other brother has gone MIA. So I go looking again, this time to find V1, busy cleaning my pot with my toothbrush!!!

By now I am on the edge of a cliff and there is a sheer drop in front of me! I panic and call Vj. And its the worse thing I do. Not because I am balancing the phone and trying to have a conversation while simultaneously trying to catch the 2 little missiles who were jumping from the table into my arms, but because Vj with his usual laid back demeanour says, "Why are you so hassled? You just get unnecessarily hassled". Now this makes me see RED!!! Even an angry bull in the arena would have reacted with less anger when jabbed by a Picador! I forget all my resolve to clean up my vocab and let loose a volley of invectives, at which point Vj hangs up!!!

So that's how the dress rehearsal panned out. Not an encouraging sign that!

But the good part is I survived. Even though I sound spoilt, I survived! Minus nanny, minus maid, minus Vj. All by myself. I managed to change diaper of one while entertaining the other and keeping him from doing any mischief. I managed to give each a wash, while making sure the other didn't dunk himself or anything else into the pot! I managed to get both ready for play and I managed to keep both entertained without getting irritated, bored or cranky even once! 

And I shall be happy with that for now. Because that in my opinion is definitely not a bad way to start!!!